The AAMFT Blog

Statement of AAMFT President In Response to New Zealand Mosque Shootings

On behalf of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy’s Board of Directors, I would like to extend our deepest condolences to the families of those killed in the recent Christchurch, New Zealand mosque shootings and to the Muslim community worldwide. We know that a horrific act like this affects many in our families and communities of care, not only where the event occurs. 

The building blocks of healthy societies are relationships; they are fundamental to the health and well-being of individuals, couples, families, and communities. We uphold the belief that society is better off when communities can support the qualities of stable, emotionally enriching relationships—values which are threatened by hateful rhetoric and intolerance.

Marriage and family therapists are available to provide services and treatment to those suffering, knowing that many are impacted by the systemic effect of society around us. The resources below have been created by MFTs or compiled by AAMFT to help support the grieving and healing process.

• Tips for Parenting During Times of Crisis
• Spinning Fear
• Fear and the Family
• The Neuroscience of Fear
• Put the Oxygen Mask on Yourself First- Self Care when Working with the Traumatized 

AAMFT President Timothy F. Dwyer, PhD

 

A Roadmap for Couple Therapy: Integrating Systemic, Psychodynamic, and Behavioral Approaches

On March 22, I will be presenting a webinar is titled A Roadmap for Couple Therapy: Integrating Systemic, Psychodynamic, and Behavioral Approaches, based on my recent book of the same name. This webinar is hosted by the Couples and Intimate Relationships Topical Interest Network. 

Register for the webinar here

Here are a few of the practical ideas and takeaways that I’ll be discussing in more detail in the webinar.

First, we can view conjoint couple meetings as like lessons. Just as when you take music, dance or sports lessons, it’s not sufficient to talk about what you do, it’s essential to show your teacher or coach what you’re doing so that he or she can help. This metaphor works for couples when I encourage them to talk to each other, rather than to me (something they find far easier as they try to convince me that they are right and their partner is wrong!). But what to do when couples really get into it and spin out of control? A first move is to halt this sampling of their process, calling “time,” and have the partners again talk to you which also allows you to talk to them empathically and supportively. This is basic but is key to survival and is a major reason many individual therapists dread working with couples—they are simply too passive and don’t know how to move in and out, alternating between having the couple “talk to each other” and talk to the therapist.

The next crucial thing to do is to focus on the details of the couples’ maladaptive dance, their “vulnerability cycle.” All schools of couple therapy do this, though they do it in different ways which we will discuss. The key is not to get bogged down in weekly discussions of “the problem du jour.” In most cases, problem solving will have to wait. In placing the focus on the couple “process” rather than the “content,” we are making that process the “shared enemy.” While this makes logical sense to many clients, most humans have trouble with the idea that a “system” has “emergent properties” (here destructive and amplifying ones) that can’t be blamed entirely on one or the other partner. Three metaphors help make this clear to clients:

1. The chemical reaction metaphor. The partners are likened to two colorless reagents in separate beakers that, when mixed, become drastically altered: perhaps becoming explosively hot, ice cold, or foul smelling. One of the reagents might think, “I was just fine before: not hot, cold, or smelly. This sudden change, in which I don’t even recognize myself, must be due to that other damn chemical!” This metaphor powerfully illustrates how group process is not reducible to individual behavior and is experience-near for individuals who are feeling blamelessly victimized by their partners.
2. Drowning swimmers to normalize off-putting demands: Escalation commonly consists of one or both partners speaking increasingly loudly, impatiently, and aggressively, perhaps while nagging, guilt-tripping, or swearing. These ineffective attempts to influence a partner tend to occur and intensify when the partner appears unresponsive. Therapists can normalize these counterproductive behaviors by explaining them in systemic terms. One metaphor I use is of a drowning swimmer calling for help. The more the swimmer fears drowning, and the longer the lifeguard fails to respond, the louder the swimmer screams. Often, it is more accurate to characterize both partners as drowning swimmers, even though one may superficially appear to be an unresponsive lifeguard.
3. Firefighters battling forest fires to normalize flight: Just as escalating pursuit can seem appropriate in some situations, so can flight. Withdrawal becomes more comprehensible and acceptable if one remembers that firefighters facing a raging forest fire must sometimes retreat temporarily.

I hope this has given you a taste of what the webinar will cover, which is designed to benefit couple therapists, from beginning students to skilled clinicians.

Arthur Nielsen, M.D. is a full-time, practicing psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and couple therapist. He is a Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry at Northwestern’s Feinberg School of Medicine, a faculty member at Northwestern's Family Institute in Evanston, and a faculty member of the Chicago Institute for Psychoanalysis. For many years and until recently, he was the coordinator of a popular for-credit course he developed for Northwestern undergraduates, “Marriage 101: Building Loving and Lasting Relationships.” He is the author of forty-some published professional papers in the fields of psychiatry, psychoanalysis, and couple therapy. His recent textbook, A Roadmap for Couple Therapy: Integrating Systemic, Psychodynamic, and Behavioral Approaches, forms the backbone for this webinar.

Exceptional Therapists Have Integrity, Competence and Support

Exceptional Therapists Have Integrity, Competence and Support

It’s hard to believe that a year has passed since we were sitting in a coffee shop discussing an email stating that registration was open for the 2018 AAMFT Ethics Competition. We knew this competition would sharpen our ability to critically evaluate complex ethical situations. We did not know that this competition would be such an incredible showcase of the support and excitement of AAMFT members everywhere. We were excited to learn that we had won first place in the Doctoral category, and were able to attend the 2018 AAMFT Annual Conference in Louisville, KY. We reflect now on our experience there.

Natira Mullet shares:

“As a clinician, and someone hoping to participate in training future clinicians, it was exhilarating to see the knowledge and support our field has to offer. Attendees were eager to engage in conversations about ethics and other topic areas. I remember feeling excited as I sat in one particular session where the audience began co-creating ideas for the intervention presented to treat couples after a TBI occurred utilizing Narrative Therapy. Members of the audience began exchanging insights and knowledge about their training and work with clients who have experienced a TBI. As the conversation evolved so did my ability to conceptualize cases such as the one presented. It was an amazing experience to be surrounded by so many seasoned therapists who have such a passion for marriage and family therapy. It was clear to me that our field is full of people who care about uplifting one another.”

As doctoral students who were about to transition from supervisees to supervisors, the 2018 AAMFT Ethics Competition gave us useful insight into being an AAMFT approved supervisor. It challenged us to assess, process, and take action as a supervisor would in a complex situation. This competition also allowed us to grow through the feedback and support provided by our faculty at Texas Tech University. Our ethical decision-making skills were sharpened by their unique perspectives and collective experiences. However, even after the competition was over, our growth and the support we received did not end.

Lindsey Hawkins shares:

"As I stood on the stage to accept the ethics award, I reflected on how incredible it was to be in a room filled with people who have dedicated their lives to helping and empowering others. The AAMFT conference is home, it is a place to develop clinical and research skills, it is a place to network with others, it is a place to rub shoulders with esteemed MFTs in the field, but more importantly, it is a place that reinforces that competence is a collective effort. It takes all of us to maintain integrity. Competing in the AAMFT ethics competition solidified all of these things and was our first opportunity to think like a supervisor instead of as a student clinician. Overall, this experience kickstarted our transition to becoming AAMFT supervisors.”

We would like to thank the Texas Tech University Couple, Marriage, and Family Therapy Program faculty, for their unwavering support and encouragement throughout the entire competition; and for the valuable opportunity offered by the American Association for Marriage and Family.

 

Natira Mullet is a doctoral student at Texas Tech University in the department of Community, Family and Addiction Sciences emphasizing in Marriage and Family Therapy. She completed her associates of science at Garden City Community College in mathematics before receiving her bachelors of science from Kansas State University in psychology and pre-medicine. Natira completed her master’s of science in Couple and Family Therapy at Kansas State University. During that time, she also received two graduate certificates in Financial Therapy and Gender, Women, and Sexuality Studies. Currently, Natira is a graduate research assistant for Dr. Antover Tuliao in the Addictive, Disorders and Recovery Sciences Program. Her research interests include both qualitative and quantitative methods of examining trauma and substance use in minority populations. Natira has also completed clinical trainings in TF-CBT and EMDR.

Lindsey Hawkins is a doctoral student at Texas Tech University in the department of Community, Family, and Addiction Sciences with an emphasis in Couple, Marriage, and Family Therapy. She completed her bachelors of science from Texas A&M University in psychology. Lindsey completed her master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy at Abilene Christian University. Currently, Lindsey is a graduate part-time instructor in the CFAS department. Her research interests include both qualitative and quantitative methods to study how substance use, chronic illness, and mental health intersect with trauma, specifically sexual abuse. Lindsey has also received training in Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) specific to working with sexual abuse.